How can you be sure you look like a tourist when in Hawai'i?
• No matter how hot it is, always wear black shoes with black socks when you wear shorts.
• Always call the U.S. mainland the “States,” and then try and figure out which country Hawai'i is in (it's the 50th state in the United States).
• Rent a convertible, drive it very slowly, and always look everywhere except at the road.
• Speak Spanish when you don’t understand the local dialect.
• Mispronounce all the Hawaiian words, then give up, thinking they all sound the same anyway.
• While at the North shore of any island in the middle of summer, stop and ask where the big winter waves are.
• Before drinking from a water fountain, ask if the water should be boiled first (no, this is not Mexico).
• When windsurfing in the middle of summer, when the water is well over 85 degrees (F), always wear a full-length wetsuit and hood.
